Reading Bly's Iron John and How it applies to my own life.

Reading Robert Bly - Iron John - a strong medicine for me. I already did go through a men's initiation - with The Mankind Project - and am quite grateful for the mentorship and direction, ability to access wounds, attain better emotional literacy, get support from other men, and practice "inner work" techniques like psychodrama and the type of supportive group healing work they practice.

But the Bly writing brings up more.

Like my "wound" -- Immediately, I recognize that the immature or infantile attitude that the boy - myself - got wounded for had to do with him working "whenever he wanted to" or whenever he felt like it. And that deep unhealthy resonance still carries itself into my day - th idea that *I* can decide when and how and exactly how I am going to do the work that I have agreed to do in the world -- as though there's not just shit sometimes that has to get done and I'm the one agreed or in the role to do it!! -- I see it with the landscaping and

another place I "dip my wound into the water" has to do with abandonment - needing constant reassurance from other women, from girls, coddling, reassurance, touch, that I am accepted and not abandoned.

Just some places that I tend to "dip my wound in the water" from time to time.

'Cause I know exactly where and when my Father "hit me with the axe" as Bly says and it is exactly that wound around Work...

Judgement and criticism, yes, that also - another "broken leg" of my childhood -

but it's that *Work* piece - that "stepping up to responsibility - that I really feel I could let go of.

Day's Assessment - New Performance, Tobacco Prayer

I started working on the next performance today. I signed up for a class on archetypal mythological work and cleaned the shit out of my room a couple days ago. I am tired at the moment and exhausted -- and yet have more to do! Clan the living room... vaccuum.

Had a great, grounded realism night with my sweetie last evening too - feel like I'm shedding ego in so many ways: humbled by relationship, humbled by the illness that passed through me - and may still linger so much - in my being. Got clear on my financial needs, wants, and goals - and how I could accomplish that with my work in life.

So much has suddenly fallen into place.

I need to clear with Alina around our performance possibility for this coming summertime show. What I want to do -- what wants to happen as I am channelling my spirit of performance writing and show to the world. To give my gifts in the best way I can.

Just had a tobacco prayer - two of those today - the first reminding me to call my Mom - which was so beneficial in so many ways with the life track I'm on - and the latest reminding me to sit and story, which is why I am sitting here now.

May the path be blessed and may all things thrive in an unfolding that is wilder and more stunning and full than anything I can possibly imagine.

-Michael